I Stink at Baking

Over the last six months or so I have taken it upon myself to learn how to bake. I have learned something quite valuable...I can't. I have been very vocal about this information to my patient and loving husband. For my birthday, Stephen gave me a gift that not many husbands would have the guts to get their wives. He purchased me a book entitled, "Baking for Dummies" and I LOVE it!!! It has been extremely helpful, however, has not changed my skills.

Last night I tried, yet another, baking endeavor. Stephen's love of brownies and my love of cream cheese sent me towards a recipe in my "Baking for Dummies" book entitled, "Black and White Brownies". They had a TON of cream cheese.

I followed the recipe to a T. I am not kidding. When the recipe said to beat, I used my beaters. When the recipe said to stir, I put away the beaters and used my plastic spoon. I leveled all of my ingredients to an exact measurement. I felt for sure this would be the time I would succeed.

The recipe called for a 9" pan. I scoured my kitchen and came up empty handed. The closest I came was a 7.5"x10" glass pan. Stephen and I figured that would be very close to the same measurements as the alternative, so we put the ingredients into the pan and put it in the oven for the allotted amount of time.

Forty-five minutes into the sixty minute time allotment I started to smell the, "Oh crap, it's burning" smell.

Stephen and I ran to the oven and opened it up.

Our brownies looked like a volcano with batter running down all sides and falling to the floor of the oven.

Stephen put a cookie sheet under the pan to catch any other left overs. We decided to let it finish its time as it was still extremely gooey.

Two minutes after we sat down from checking the brownies, Stephen glanced back at the oven and exclaimed, "Kami! It's on fire!"

I looked at the oven and couldn't see anything. I figured Stephen was making a joke, but he raced over and opened the oven. The element on the bottom had brownie goo encased around it and was aflame. GGGGRRRRRRRR!!! Getting the fire under control we again sat down to wait out the remaining time.

When the timer finished I pulled out the brownies. They were totally gooey in the middle and perfect on the outside. AAAHHHHH!!!!! I flipped through my baking for dummies book hoping to find an answer. This is what I read, "If you use a glass pan rather than a metal, remember to reduce the baking temperature by 25 degrees...Always use the correct pan size. If you substitute a larger pan, your brownies will be too thin and may dry out when you bake them. If the pan is too small, it will take a much longer time to bake, and the inside may still be raw when the outside is done cooking." OR THEY COULD BECOME LIVE VOLCANOS AND SPIT HOT BOILING BROWNIE BATTER ALL OVER YOUR OVEN!!! (They forgot to add that part.)

I pointed this section of the book out to Stephen. He began to laugh...and then seeing my frustration he said with indignation, "Why wasn't that written on the same page as the recipe!"

Thank you Stephen for being such a great support...and to the writers of "Baking for Dummies", you should make your book more dummy proof for people like me.