Being Mom is Hard

I've been thinking a lot lately about my job as "mom".

Counting being pregnant, I've only been a mom for two and a half years.  That is nothing compared to what my mom's got on me...or even either of my grandma's.

When I was first pregnant with Maycee everything changed.

The very first thing that changed and was surprisingly very emotional for me, was my body.  I didn't realize how much "being skinny" was a part of who I was until I got big.  Very big.  I cried almost every time that I went maternity clothes shopping.  That very first time I went with Krystal.  I think she thought I was going crazy.  It was so hard to give my body 24/7 to someone else.

I learned to share.  I eventually learned to cope with being big and I got pregnant again.  The second time was a breeze.

I never had to deal with being sick for nine months.  I was very blessed that way.  I think Heavenly Father knew that if I was sick I wouldn't get pregnant again...

When Maycee finally came I had to deal with postpartum depression.  Only for two weeks, but that was the hardest two weeks of my life.  I also had to learn to cope with very little sleep.  As most people know, newborns don't sleep when normal people sleep.  It took at least 6 weeks for me to feel semi-normal again.  I don't think I went to the grocery store by myself until Maycee was 9 months old.  Stephen and Krystal are probably very grateful that I gained my independence back.

Life is starting a whole new "hard".

Ever since Cooper was born, Maycee has come into a new phase.  This is the phase that requires discipline.

I feel so unsure of myself all over again.  It really is true that when you finally feel like you've gotten everything figured out, it changes.  This, however, is a whole lot different then learning to deal with lack of sleep or giving up my body.  These decisions will affect the rest of Maycee's life.  How we teach her will be her foundation.  I feel this intese pressure that I did not expect.

I really want to do what is right for her.