Emotions gone awry.

Wow.

I don't even know if I can really communicate the emotions that I felt on Sunday.

To begin, I was supposed to teach Relief Society.  I had been working on my lesson for quite a while.  Not so much what I should say, but how I could get the sisters in the classroom to participate and direct the discussion to a result that would be uplifting.  I had taken a totally different approach than I normally do.

Next, it was Maycee's second week in nursery.

Lastly, Stephen had just received a new calling.  He was called to be the 2nd Counselor in the Young Men's Presidency.  Which meant he really had to be in Young Men's during the 3rd hour...the same time I was supposed to be teaching Relief Society.

Now that I have set the picture I shall begin with my oration.

After Sacrament Meeting, Stephen took Maycee to nursery and I went to Sunday School.  As I passed the nursery on my way to class I saw Stephen holding a sobbing Maycee.

Aaaahhhhh!!  I had not expected this!

After 10 or 15 minutes in Sunday School I went into the nursery to drag Stephen out and let Maycee cry herself into contentment.  We were in Sunday School for another 15 minutes while Stephen was fidgeting the whole time, worrying about Maycee.  I tried to ignore it.  The door to Sunday School opened and at that same time you could hear Maycee screaming at the top of her lungs.  Stephen jumped up to her rescue.

I sat in Sunday School, by myself, completely frustrated at the fact that Maycee was having such a hard time going into nursery.  I left the room to check on her and Stephen.

As I walked into the nursery I saw Maycee clinging to her dad, terrified that he was going to leave her again.

This feeling of overwhelming guilt passed through me.  I was more concerned with my lesson than I was with the distress of my child.  I felt like an awful mother.  Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I watched Maycee and her dad try to play with the other kids.  I cried.  And I cried.  And I cried.

I couldn't stop crying.

Stephen took Maycee to Deacon's Quorum.

I was still crying as Relief Society started.  I was sitting in front of everyone.  Obviously extremely distressed.  As the Relief Society President turned the time over to me, she tried to lighten things up a bit. 

We are pretty good friends.

She said, "We are now going to turn the time over to Kami to teach our lesson.  We are all going to have to bear with her as she is a little hormonal today."

I stood up to teach and tears continued to roll down my cheeks.  I'm sure being 7 1/2 months pregnant didn't help any either.  As I started my lesson I told everyone that my little girl was starting to go into nursery and it wasn't going so well.  They all chuckled in instant understanding because most of them had been in my shoes before.

It took me two minutes of teaching to finally calm down.  The lesson continued without tears.

This is stressing me out.